You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
