Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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