Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
