you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
