WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
