Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
