if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
