i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
