I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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