my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
