He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
