So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
