I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
