this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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