I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
