What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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