Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
