I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
