I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
