His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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