We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
