Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
