i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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