Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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