I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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