I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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