everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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