My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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