I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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