I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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