I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
don't judge my taste in strippers
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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