I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
