So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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