So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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