I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
