So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
