Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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