I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Randomize
