I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
don't judge my taste in strippers
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
