Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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