blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
