Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
