I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
