I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
