it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
