He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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