I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
