I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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