i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
