I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
